A REMINDER
Pain, nothing but searing pain.
A collision of my heart and a raging bullet train,
A devastation that ended with only me in the ruins,
Someone tell me what am I doin'.
Just a glimpse of you, my heart goes mad with its beat.
Battered and abused by life's simple treats.
Only then that I realize, not knowing, I'm bleeding out.
Out, of life's moments that I valued and cherished about.
Pain, nothing but strenuous pain,
How I wish it could be washed by the cleansing rain.
Free me of this mark, this burning stain,
That's bringing me nothing, nothing but disdain.
Picking up fragments, bits, and pieces from the fray;
With it, every last color turned to grey.
Deep inside, I know it hurts more and more,
A simple reminder: I truly cared then, now, and forevermore.
Pain, subsiding now is this pain.
12/22/15
DEAR KAYLA
Often times, there's the question WHY.
WHY do bees buzz and birds fly?
WHY feel remorse for things that happened?
Questioning everything that just happen...to end.
Isn't it though the beauty of a mystery?
Jumbled up mess of happiness and misery.
In store, calmly waiting, is NOTHING;
Yet along the journey, lies EVERYTHING.
These words were an advice from a friend,
Whose been through almost all of life's bends.
So I'll pass it on through the message of letters.
"Don't worry my friend, it will all be better."
12/22/15
MAFIA
Connected by bond and not by blood,
Formed by the same clay and mud.
Brothers destined to meet by fate,
Served with life's similar plate.
Regardless of age, regardless of height,
Even if sometimes, we argue and fight.
When struggle comes and show its face,
They'll be right beside you with a full case.
Raise a glass for your brothers at arms,
With them around, life can't do you harm.
12/23/15
HOMESICK
Its Christmas time, oh Christmas time,
Full of happiness and cheers.
Yet this time there's a cliff to climb,
That slowly fills my heart with fear.
Far, oh so far away from home,
Makes me feel sour and sick to death.
Enclosed in a cryptic tomb dome,
Gasping, struggling for every breath.
Burdened by an astonishingly heavy boulder,
Can't this day just be Christmas day?
Its taking toll on my shaky shoulder,
Someone take this feeling away.
12/24/15
Waves
Crash, left was a thrashing silence,
Exposing the marvel of nature's presence.
Let it flow freely in each and every vein;
Allow the serenity,tranquility to reign.
Crash, Standing at the breakwater,
Stalling waves of irrelevant matters.
Lost in the vertigo of contemplation;
Idle at the brink of satisfaction.
Crash, brewing beyond was a wave,
Preparing to take what was utmost craved.
Seen yet choosing not to act,
Acknowledged as a matter of fact.
Crash! Forcefully rushing to make its way,
To open the eyes to the reality at bay.
Soaked and unfortunately back to earth,
Was the man that was seeking his worth.
1/10/16
THE FIRST SNOW FALL
The whirl, the swirl, the feel, the hiss
adrenaline filled with nothing but bliss.
As the man turned back into a child
all the senses, the feelings, turned wild.
A thing so simple filled the heart with delight,
the happiness, the thrill, an enlightening fright.
How amazing it is this bare human nature,
placing an immeasurable grin to this creature.
An exhilarating excitement building in the core
instincts took over, unknowingly dropping to the floor.
Watching the flurries drop down once more,
an event forever engraved in the man's lore.
1/12/16
love is patient love is kind,
is always what comes to mind.
The Idea of You
The idea of you is a scene of a deep dark pit where a man is falling,
don't know how, when, nor why he got into that miserable state.
The outcome is evident yet I blatantly watch and keep the film rolling
hoping that an inconceivable event will change the poor man's fate.
There's just a thing amiss of accepting such an obvious defeat.
Where's the hero's comeback? Maneuvering past the hate.
Pushing past the limits, determined for the redemption to compete;
In the struggle, discover a newly attained hard earned power,
punch for punch, kick for kick, every ounce of sheer courage
to engage the unknown without a single notion to cower
and at the final moments scarcely win with the aid of rage.
The wounds bear no pain in protecting moral matters.
SNAP! The motion pictures in the television fades.
The fantasy slowly crumbles to form the ashes of reality.
Unconsciously, I approach the window to prop up the shades,
letting rays of light indulge warmth, a slight drop of serenity.
Gazing outside, a figure appears, a reflection on the window,
the very image of the man free falling from the scene.
as the perspective focused, my heartbeat reached a crescendo.
The man is identical to me. It has always been.
Aforementioned, The untimely ending is prophesied
yet I am undeterred to see it happen. Let it roll.
For it is better to have known and tried
than to give in, without a single fight, accept the toll.
All that's left now is to pick up the pieces of my heart's clutter.
08/14/16
Heartbeat
Badump, Badump, Badump, life is what it is,
Badump, Badump, Badump, a broken tragic miss.
It reels you with a string of hope
not thick enough to be a rope
but mere a hair that's knotted to
a straw pinned by a nail or two.
Cling to it with all your life,
stab you in the back with a knife
and when you're down all bleeding out,
you'll hear a voice, a loud shout.
It'll stand you up and bring you to,
an alley way signed "Round Two".
At the end you'll see a pot,
Pure gold! But boiling hot.
Helplessly you'll take a peek,
in that time despair will sneak.
Creeping, it would surprise you to,
a simple single fact or two.
Melted hands and gunfire shots,
fatal wounds that would not clot.
Panting, you'd give your last breath
dreading that's your final death.
You'll wake up while you're crying to,
a missing tooth or maybe two.
You'll scream, "oh why!" and then you'll beg
not realizing you're just a peg.
--to be continued--
Train
A peek into the side panel of the train
not knowing to feel nothing or pain
envious that each has a track, a path, a lane
uncertainty brings undesirable worry and disdain
of things craved and grudgingly wanted
everyday decisions that seemingly haunted
the heavy heart and groggy mind, It's tainted
by the question of " to do or not to?"
09/13/16
Sculptures
Surrounded by stone, marble, porcelain sculptures of the past
things will in fact meet an untimely last.
Through fire, storms and weathered years,
only one thing is absolutely clear.
To wish that one is but a sculpture,
Embedded in the legacy of the past in the future.
09/13/16
Burghers of Calais
A slight dent, scratch and carve presents a new meaning,
wide arrays of perception, insight and feeling
Although motionless and frozen to verbally say
You've proven your point, o carving of Calais
09/13/16
Woman in Black
As I made my entrance into a room so intricate and exquisite,
the sight of the ingenious sculptures failed to stupefy me.
It was the image of a woman isolated in the corner of the room
inhaling the delicacy of every nook and cranny of the scenery.
At that moment, nothing else was marvelously beautiful.
09/13/16
"I will never regret you, or say that I wish I'd never met you,
because once upon a time, you were exactly what I needed."
-Anon
- can a brother write about happiness please hahahah
The Bench
Silent night indeed it is, staring at the cloudy night
where the stars peeked for about a slight second.
Where the truth spills and memories unearthed from
the sands of the track.
I sit here motionless yet emotions are overflowing,
A clash of the past and the present.
Oh precious time how can you be so cruel,
a wave of the hand and everything unwinds
back to what it was before.
12/26/16
A Cloud
My heart, it's beat is fleeting.
-a long lost forgotten feeling.
My heart, it's beat is fleeting.
My ears, mellowed by the voice of angelic singing.
My mouth, frozen in a state of awkward smiling.
Gazing at what was reeling
my soul to a grateful oblivion.
a mere mirage, can a thing be as convincing?
My acclimated fingers linger on your heat deprived hand.
I couldn't comprehend, I couldn't understand.
a thing so ingenious could slow the hourglass of sand.
how I wish time did stop and the planes never land
Oh celestial sprite wave the all powerful scepter.
Rewind the time and shield me from this specter:
A building with a basement and desks at the center,
A floor with windows overlooking the city's splendor.
For now the only thing running in my head,
Is the face of a girl who's life I haven't read.
A book that's got me glued to its story,
Giving me curiosity and a slight room for worry.
Worry for how I'm captivated with the book,
the cover, the author, the preface and the hook.
as you drove away I gave your car a one last look
take care of that piece you sneaky heart crook.
My heart, it's beat is fleeting.
-a long lost forgotten feeling.
12/29/16
Miles of May
Slow down, take a deep breathe and smile.
Life is not a sprint but a marathon of miles.
Uphill, downhill, conrete, asphalt, and grass,
left and right several runners will pass.
Don't doubt, don't worry. It is not a race.
Just keep going forward on your own pace.
Along, you'll pass signs, alleys, and intersections
steering you from your path, slight deviations.
Eager to stop, look, peek at what they have to offer,
in due time you'll realize its but a stopover.
Leap back to your lane, your path, your journey,
nothing in life my friend is a fearsome tourney.
But mere building blocks to the skyscraper of you
so run, find yourself, and promise to stay true.
01/24/2017
John Donne
"For God's sake hold your tongue, and let me love."
If I lie, let heaven strike me from above.
Oh poet, speaker of truth, what have you done?
Opened my eyes, my mouth, my soul. John Donne
It is true, Love does not lay harm to those around.
But Love, when you do, you'll find only yourself on the ground.
For love, compassion, and honesty is but a rare occurrence.
In this day and age, words and actions provide no assurance.
Easier to say "white lies", comfort words, and walk away
than to put forth effort accompanied by fear of hurt and dismay.
So why strive for chivalry? When to their eyes it is but pretentious
Oh my! This generation makes me so anxious.
Though, I won't lose hope, falter. In my heart I'll stay true.
I refuse this foul trend, a broken me, a broken you.
In my lifetime I can only strive to make a dent,
keep cashing checks on this unattainable rent.
I'll calmly wait for you... one that shares my faith.
I promise we'll meet... share a glimpse of light, Oh fate.
2/7/2017
-Deployment Times-
How Does One Know How to Love?
-When love itself is fleeting,
How does one find love?
When one can't fathom the direction it goes.
Still though endlessly hoping,
It's an intersection and not parallel roads.
How does one stumble upon love?
When love is nowhere to be found.
Know that indeed it is true,
not but a lusted gem dug aground.
How does one know love?
When love in society's chaos is estranged.
Gaze into its eyes and declare it is you,
but you're far too BROKEN and DERANGED
How does one know to be loved?
When one does not even know how to.
Desires and thirsts for its appearance,
but recoils back when its comes to.
-How does one know how to love?
When love itself is fleeting.
08/25/2017
Patience
Blended horizons of blue, yellow, orange, red, and black.
A place chaotically serene, somewhere in Iraq.
Where a star scorches the vast midday and
constellations bewilder the night that awaits.
Wide array of visitors arrive but never stay
for the invitations are amidst
-White, Black, and Grey.
Peace will reign but only time will tell.
I'll bide my time. My sweet farewell.
10/01/2017
Calm Baker
Have you seen the calm baker?
so sweet and so kind.
do you think I can make her
smile and be mine?
Say hello and occupy her time,
share a piece of cake and fine wine.
watch the stars; blurt out cliched lines
ask her wittingly what's on her mind.
Have you seen the calm baker?
so sweet and so kind.
do you think I can make her
smile and be mine?
Learn about things she likes
-frenzied films that gives her frights?
Listen about tears shed as she cries,
while looking at the grey gloomy skies.
Oh dear Ms. Calm Baker,
so sweet and so kind.
If only I could approach her,
Promise;
She'll be the only queen of mine.
10/21/2017
Insomnia
The pendulum of dog tags defile the stillness of the room.
Insignia of insomnia in the curvatures of my eye looms
as I stupidly stare at the daunting darkness of the ceiling
signaling the creatures of my past to courageously creep in
The sensation of being loved is lost to me.
-a lifeline I cannot unwind
Thoughts of it purposely locked,
in the depths of my mind.
For my synonym of love is You
10/28/2017
Entrenched
Thirst cannot be quenched, Oh scorching dessert.
Rifle and boots entrenched, morale never lesser.
Contrary to belief, this time will be treasured.
For a few firsts of first,
I couldn't have experienced any better.
10/30/2017
Drowning
I roughly recall when i was young, I almost always jump heart and head first.
Apologies
I'm truly sorry my little B.R.A.T. I didn’t mean to put you in this shitty situation. I dont even know what to say because my decision ruined everything and has made everything so much harder for you. I dont regret anything these were the decisions that I made and these are the consequences I gotta live with. I regret bringing you into my messy problems. I shouldve wanted the best for you and not be selfish…. Im sorry B.R.A.T. please stay strong and brave and we’ll be okay.
09/30/2022
I Am Drowning
I am broken.
Unrecognizable from the person that I once thought I was.
I am broken.
My stern mere inches from the surface of the water.
As my anchors attached to lifeless bodies gasping for air as I strive to make it to shore.
I am trying.
I put patches of dirt on the craters that are in my hull.
My keel bended beyond recognition from the weight that I chose to carry.
I am trying.
You met me broken.
Returning back into open waters, you decide to tag along.
My bow sighted straight to the sounds of silent screams.
You met me broken.
You saw the damage within these wooden walls, and I thought you accepted them.
That the cause measure far beyond the risk. And that is why you chose to set sail.
I was happy.
That this tattered ship carrying unnecessary haul finally has a captain.
My worn propeller’s corroded blades chip away as it wades the waters.
I was happy.
But just as my entirety slowly battered, it too chipped away at you.
You saw the devastation of myself, and you said you needed to be a better captain.
That you need learning about your inadequacies so you can help this broken ship.
I am sinking.
For when you returned all you did was mentioned that my ship is beyond repair.
That the walls are rotting and the holes on the deck were an inconvenience.
I am sinking.
As you walk away, I beg for you to stay. But it was over.
My boiler room’s roaring flame quiet down to embers.
The steam simmered down to a quiet whisper.
I am sinking.
I set sights to the purpose of my ship. I tread the open waters for screams.
I hear nothing.
I am sinking.
I am sinking.
A faint cry muffled by the crashing of waves seeps into the night.
As, I search every corner of my ship.
I found myself.
I am sinking.
A prisoner in my own brig, built sturdier than anything in this ship.
The water neck deep steadily rising as I see myself gasping for air.
I am drowning.
01/18/2022
Blame it on me
Put the blame on me.
So the shadows of reflection that creep slowly into awareness doesn't haunt
The constant tapping of guilt in your heart.
Put the blame on me.
Convince yourself that it is through my faults that you can accept the grievance that I caused and put aside the realization of the suffering that drove nails into my wrist.
Put the blame on me.
Let me burden the boulders that banter your thoughts that you keep at bay so you do not have to tell yourself that you did not hear the clanging of the clutter that were pieces of my heart that broke.
Put the blame on me.
So the silence that evoke that resides as a ghost in a cemetery of promises is justified and the shrieks and screams of the puddles that flowed out of my eyes are put into a coffin 6 feet underground.
Put the blame on me.
So your eyes are blinded to the massacre of sleepless nights and paranoia that ripped the sanity from the soul that was hanging on a thread of hope of the impossible.
Put the blame on me.
Let me be the villain that stalks the night staring at the window of your soul ready to be engulfed in flames from the fiery words that were daggers to my core as I plunge into the abyss of the lake where I am meant to drown.
Put the blame on me.
For that will finally put my mind to rest as it bids you a final farewell fueled by the frailty of love. I will have the last laugh that through this slumber I chose you one last time.
01/24/2022